My owner is down with the flu, so she asked me to write this issue’s “Mothering Heights”. I don’t completely understand this obsession of hers, but there are benefits to owning a human who engages in backyard birding. For instance, there’s her afternoon tea ritual. She brews up a pot of that stuff that gives her the most awful smelling breath, and plops herself down in front of a glass door that I call the “big screen”. This gives her an instant view of all the feeder activity, and gives me instant access to a warm lap, and great entertainment. Even though they refuse to play my favorite game, “Stare-down”, I’ll admit that birds are fun to watch. They’re so quick and darting, and when one flies off, there’s always another to take its place. Still, after a while, it gets a little boring, and I can drift off into the most delightful of naps.

I remember when the other cat, Junior, came to live with us. What a doofus! He didn’t know anything then. We’d sit in front of the door, and watch all the outside activities. He really drove me crazy with his incessant “What’s that, Harley?”

“It’s a SQUIRREL, Junior”.

“It’s a CHIPMUNK, Junior”.

“It’s a LEAF, Junior”.

“It’s a BIRD! It’s a plane…”

Being easily amused, Junior is more interested in watching the birds than I am. He probably should be the one writing this but… well, to be honest, he’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer. He’s fun to play with, though. Once when a wild turkey showed up, I told him our human had been feeding the birds radioactive seed, and this was Wrenzilla, the first of many avian mutants that were coming to threaten us. Poor Junior. He hid under the bed for three days, until I finally told him the truth.

Still, it’s not a bad life. I get decent food. My human scratches my back whenever I tell her to. She’s pretty well trained, so I tolerate her little hobby, especially since Junior and I get some quality time, too. The view really is great, and it’s nice and warm inside. If I could change anything, though, there is only one thing I’d wish for…

Less birds, More mice.

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*ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Harley is a 7-year old calico, who rules Mothering Heights, having ascended to the position of alpha cat. She was born in the area, and chose her human when only a mere kitten. She was named ‘Harley’ because of her unusually loud purr. Her hobbies include playing with rubber bands, wallowing in homegrown catnip, and messing with Junior’s head.