It was a dark and stormy night. I was in my office, doing some paper work and playing a few hands of free cell solitaire when he walked in. It was Handsome Hank, the town Handyman. His thick blond hair and steel blue eyes always caught me off guard. And, believe me, the boy could fill out a pair of overalls! He was the most popular tradesman in town, especially with the widows and divorcees.

“What can I do for you, Hank?”

“Some of my fish are missing! First it was just Bubba and Big Wally, but now they’ve got Bertha and Bobbie Jean!”

“Hank, you NAME them? Have you been eating fish you caught in the Industrial Runoff again?”

“No, no… it’s my koi pond! Someone’s stealing my biggest and best!”

“Okay, Hank I’m on the case… my usual fee… you cover my expenses and clean my gutters.”

There was nothing I could do that evening, so I spent the time listing all the usual suspects. I could eliminate most of them, like Doe-eyed Dolly and the rest of the White Tail Gang, where there was no interest in fish. No, I was looking for an omnivore, or at least a pescidore. Don’t know if that’s a real word, but like most detectives, I’m real good at faking stuff. Plus, in high school, Sister Ligouri always told me that Latin would come in handy one day, and I didn’t want to let the old girl down.

So, that left me with a few likely candidates. But, Big Ben Bear hadn’t been seen in the neighborhood for quite a while, and Rita Raccoon and her bandits had been deported over to the next county after their trashcan spree. Mile E. and Cyrus Coyote only took fish when nothing else was available. This year, there was a bumper crop of chipmunks, so they had no motive. This was a real poser.

The next day, I took a walk up to the lake to clear my head. I felt like the answer was right in front of me, but I just couldn’t see it. And, sure enough, there it was…the one culprit I hadn’t thought about! So, I called Hank with the good news.

“Hey, remember that heron that’s been hanging out at the lake? Well, Lesser Blue’s your thief! I got CCSI (Critter Crime Scene Investigators) to test him, and they found evidence of koi DNA. But, don’t worry, Hank, they flew him down to Florida where he’s got several warrants. In the future, though, you might want to consider a protective net over your pond.”

Yes, it’s a good life! Business is booming; the local wildlife is a little safer; another mystery is solved; and I got Hank in his overalls on a ladder cleaning my gutters. Doesn’t get any better than this!