This is a love story.

I first saw Big Ike on a brisk fall morning pecking away at the birdseed that had fallen from my feeders. He was the biggest wild turkey I had ever seen, easily 25 pounds or more. It was unusual to see a full-grown tom without an accompanying harem, but I noticed he was limping, and wondered if he had perhaps been displaced by a more aggressive, younger male. He was there every morning, and I thought about how lonely and sad he seemed. So, I did the only thing I could think of…. I nailed up a personal ad on the garage.

“Experienced tom seeks young hen interested in commitment and raising a family. If chosen, candidate is guaranteed Position #1 in Pecking Order. Apply around back at Big Peg’s SmorgasBIRD.”

About a week later, I peered out of the window to see a young female turkey gobbling up the cracked corn I had scattered about as a dowry. My eyes searched the woods frantically, looking for Big Ike. Here was his chance…now where was he? About twenty feet away, I spied him, fully displayed and MAGNIFICENT. His tail was spread in concentric fans; his head (normally red and bumpy) was snow white. He was so puffed out he could hardly take a step, much less strut. I chuckled as I was reminded of the elaborate and often unwieldy costumes in the Philadelphia Mummers parade. He was shaking his quills, and gobbling rapidly. You could almost hear him saying (think Elvis or Barry White here), “Hey, Baby! Looking for me?”

Not one to miss an opportunity, I grabbed the most sacred book in my library…. my Petersens’s Field Guide…and quickly performed an impromptu ceremony.

“…by the power invested in me as owner of Mothering Heights, I now pronounce you…’Ike and Tina Turkey’ “

EPILOGUE: The following spring, Ike and Tina were seen waddling up the ridge behind the house, with three little Ikettes bringing up the rear.

Ain’t love grand?