I didn’t really think much about the pile of acorns. Living on a mountain in the woods means I don’t have a lawn to mow, but the annual leaf round-up more than offsets that luxury. Every weekend from September until the first snowfall, there I am with the Mother-of-All blowers, chasing them away from the house, deck, driveway and patio. It was on the patio, that I kept finding the acorns, neatly stored under what I thought was a natural collection of leaves up against the retaining wall. So, I diligently blew them away, only to find them back again the next day. Like I mentioned, I didn’t think much about it. Until I found the note.

The writing was scratchy, but I got the message!

Dear Acorn Robber,

What the @#*!* do you think you’re doing!? I work my bushy tail off to collect and hide these nuts, and YOU come along and blow them all over the forest! Let me EXPLAIN something to you… It’s getting cold, and squirrels mate in the winter. That’s right, the WINTER. Betcha didn’t know that, huh? Pretty soon, I’m going to be WAY too busy to worry about finding food. I’m gonna need my stash. Here’s how it works:

When the cold weather sets in, I’m up at dawn, makin’ the rounds of every hot squirrel babe in the neighborhood to see if any of them are ready for the Luv Master’s special magic. No time for grocery shopping, I gotta eat on the RUN. And at the end of the day, when I’m exhausted, I gotta be able to put my paws on some quick grub before I hit the sack. I hafta keep my strength up to fight off all those bozos that want to horn in on my good thing! It takes a lot of fuel to keep my girls happy, and where I live, Domino’s don’t deliver!

Now, I found that sweet spot against that wall…out of the wind, protected from the rain and cold… and if it snows, I know to dig by the third rock from the left to find my supply. So, LAY OFF, OK?

Regards,
Squiggy

So, if you happen to find yourself at Mothering Heights this winter, you’ll notice the flowerbeds are nicely covered, and the leaves are neatly composted. The clay pots are stored in the shed, and the annuals have been moved inside the greenhouse. But, please be advised, there will be a pile of unruly debris against the retaining wall. And there it will remain until all of Squiggy’s ladies are properly romanced.